Monday, June 08, 2009 , 10:53 PM

I love my cow. It's name is MOO! (Creative, I know. Given to me by Jan <3 )

Hey, all. It's been a while, yes?
I keep composing bitch rants in my head the past few days. Meant to post them here but whenever I reach home, I never do.
Always occupied or restless.
The thing I don't like about my mental compositions is that they always sound so nice in my head but I can never replicate them.
If I don't record it down then and there, it'll forever be gone. They only happen once.

Now I understand why Mrs B frowns when we ask her to repeat what she said (so that we can annotate our texts). :P Haha I realise that I am exactly that sort of person too!
And perhaps everyone else is as well. ;)

ANYWAY. My point wasn't that. Lol
My point was the content of my bitch rants.

The interns.

Same old, same old:
Frustrating.
Thoughts of giving up.
Knowledge of why I shouldn't.
At a loss of what to do.
Upset. Very fucking upset.
Angry.
Patience that is stretched skin-thin.
Tolerance.
Deliberate ignorance, a.k.a denial.
Questions -- put on repeat.
Unhappiness.
Overwhelming urge to just run away from all this.
Blah blah blah...


I was seriously at the point of giving up.
Just yesterday I told myself
that I resolve to give up being nice and kind towards them.
And today I did do one thing that was kinda out of anger -- moving my things away to another table.
(3 of us share one table. But I've moved to join another RT.)
The whole time I was thinking to myself,
"Fine. If this is how yall want it. I'll just 成全你们 and get out of the way. The two of you can spend as much time as you want together now and be BFFs for all I care. I'm not gonna be the 'lamp post' anymore. I get your message more than loudly and clearly; I'm fucking off right now. I know I have stayed way beyond my welcome (though I didn't even need their welcome, tsk). If being nice doesn't work, then forget it. I'm retreating."
It actually made me feel slightly better, though I know the attitude was wrong.
And I intend to keep it that way. To sit somewhere else.
The other teachers probably just thought that we ran out of space. Hah.

Noone will fucking believe me if I said they hate me.
Nobody.
Not that I've tried, but I just know.
(Ok well I did try to tell one person, but she just totally waved it off.)
They'll just tell me I'm being paranoid etc. (Like she^ did.)
But I am certain I'm not.
It has been like this for so long; I know for sure they have some qualms over me.
I just don't know what.
But I'm not gonna care.

I really miss Jan, Kriss and B. Talking on the phone isn't enough. I need you guys/