32: Freedom

Waking up to some good ol' crunchy honeycomb [:

Okay call me crazy but it's nearly 9.45AM and I have not slept. I don't plan on sleeping because trust me, those 10 minute, 1 hour or however long POWER NAPS do not work, and I am living testimony to that fact. I've tried them a couple of times and my supposed 1 hour power nap became 7 hours. Okay.. but I have to say, I love being up in the morning, except now there's this bird that's incessantly chirping by my window and it's getting annoying... it won't stop.. and now, I feel like clawing its head off... No srsly... Okay it has finally stopped. I hope I don't get lazy in 45 minutes' time and go for a good morning jog to refresh my mind before I collapse due to sheer exhaustion later in the afternoon. I'll be religiously going for church next week onwards because it's about time I get in touch with my spiritual self and maintain this scanty relationship I have with God.

All this while that I've been online, I've decided that it's time I re-evaluate myself and actually start having some REAL aims and goals in life, because I really want to see myself in NYC in a year and a half's time. I'm going to start by organising my work (filing 'em notes, arranging 'em books neatly onto the shelves instead of them being sprawled messily all over the floor, and also keep some books intact and START reading them), revise on a regular basis (it's going to be hard but I'm going to try), spend less time on the computer (this is going to be even harder) and finally, pack my freaking room. I think I'm going to start with the closets first. I wished I had done all of this during the June holidays so I don't have to worry about both this and school at the same time.

As strange as it seems, I suddenly feel so empowered - like I can pretty much conquer anything in this world if I put my mind to it - the world is my oyster. Oh and typing out that word just made me realise that I spelt empowered as eNpowered in my Lit essay. Despite having this sudden surge of positivity in me, and as much as I hate to say this again but: I AM SO SCREWED FOR TERMS! I wish I could turn back time, retrace those steps... Imagine if I did study and were to do well for terms, I'd be rewarded in so many ways. Self-satisfaction and a great sense of accomplishment and pride being the first, euphoria coming in second as I treat myself to a whole lot of retail therapy.

Sighhh, but here I am once again, unfulfilled. I'm so pressured to do well for exams that i might just keel over and die.